6AM Waffles
by 1yellowfish
Summary: Clint gets a new hobby after the waffle incident. Tony should know better than to underestimate his AI. Jarvis knows how to wait for the opportune moment. Probably going to change the title. The "relax cupid" line was given to me from a friend apparently it is in someone else's story but neither of us could locate it, if you recognize it please pm me so I can link/credit them.


It all started with waffles, 6am 'we've been fighting crime for 12 hours and need sleep but sleep can wait until food waffles' … to be precise. Clint, who had gracefully thrown himself from a 9 story apartment building that was mid-collapse to an adjourning building while taking out 3 doom bots enroute, not 40 minutes earlier had stacked his waffles and meticulously covered them so each square had the perfect butter syrup ratio. He stopped to admire them for a second and woke up with his face covered and his team exhausted laughing at him. He scowled fiercely through his embarrassment and wiped ineffectively at his face, until Natasha took pity on him and tossed him a wet cloth.

Tony rolls his eyes through his laughter. "Relax, Cupid. I've done plenty of things that'd really make you blush, hell most of them are somewhere on YouTube."

"Not any more sir" Jarvis interrupts.

Intrigued it had lead Clint to a new and fruitless hobby spending his dull hours between insomnia and panic trying to get Jarvis to give up the goods. It only seemed fair after all Thor can best Tony in strength, Tasha could wipe the floor with him, plus that scary eyebrow thing she did, Pepper owned him, and Cap has that whole was worshiped as a child so sad eyes win, Clint had no angle he needed the material dammit.

Tony didn't really mean to be an insensitive ass ... truly he was just an idiot but when his mouth strayed a little off course he didn't necessarily notice that the coms lacked the banter he was used to so he just continued on his tirade about the archers apparent lack of musical taste.

Clint never let these things bother him, not really. But his best aids were fried from the river last week. He would admit he was on edge with his backup because always made the world a little distant and very tinny. Tony would not shut the fuck up. So, he switched off his right ear, the one with the com built in. After all they only needed him for his eyes.

It was Cap that managed to shut up Tony with a snappish call of his name. Tony took a second to ignore his scanners and recall what his mouth had been spewing and turned pale.

"Fuck."

No one even said "language."

Before Tony could apologize his suit screamed at him and he saw the archer in question was about to get some seriously bad company

"On your six Barton!"

The purple clad man didn't even flinch as he was struck from behind and plummeted from the roof.

He wasn't conscious for Hulks rough catch, he slept through 4 apologies in medical from the king of repression himself, and managed to escape back to the tower in the two minutes between the nurses chasing his team out since he's woke up and fetching the doctor. He didn't even stop to grab his shitty aids from their customary drawer.

Clint raided the communal kitchen the moment he arrived at the tower aware he was only minutes ahead of his team. Vindictively he grabbed all of Tony's favorites he didn't even like half the shit the asshole seemed to thrive on, arms sufficiently loaded he went to his room, well floor. And yea, that still threw him through a loop having grown up alternatively in the circus, homeless, and biding time in group homes.

Behind blessed locked doors he started for his conveniently larger than normal vent that he chose to believe was Peppers contribution to the scarily accurate approximation of his style … if he had any, but only because he wasn't too pleased with his landlord at the moment.

He shoved the food into the vent and turned to grab his blanket when he was distracted by his tv/monitor/way-too-ridiculously-high-tech screen blinking at him.

The door was locked, and yea he liked being able to do that too, so there really was no reason not to check it out. The screen stopped flashing as he walked to it and revealed a single blinking file labeled "leverage."

Grinning widely he tapped it and a video player popped up making him desperately wish he'd brought his aids. It wasn't the debauchery he's assumed, it was so much, much worse.

Pepper bent at the waist laughing so hard tears dribbled down her cheeks as Stark attempted to disentangle himself from his early suit-bots. Covered in grease, half a suit and indignity.

A very young Rhodey saluting Stark with a beer as he climbed out of a hot tub wearing a captain America bathing suit.

Tony Stark trapped in a corner by concerned bots, covered in oil, hydraulic fluid, and arguing with Dummy over a towel and glass of orange juice.

Clint really needs to re-watch that one with his aids in.

He smiled.

"Thanks Jarvis." he patted the screen affectionately.

"You are quite welcome Mr. Barton." appears on the screen, the movies stopped and changed to a view of the other side of his door.

Cap was there, along with Tony. It looks like they were arguing. Apparently trying to remain quiet, they obviously hadn't noticed he'd left his aids. He frowned at the angle, unable to catch the words. With slumped shoulders Cap shook his head poked Tony in the chest and left.

Tony turned and watched the door, like it was a bomb, eventually he knocked.

He was talking now; Clint saw his name more than a few times but really didn't care. The knocking continued randomly and that would have probably annoyed him enough to open the door if he had his aids in. Suddenly Tony's face did the strange blank look when his world turns left when it should go right and he swore, turned on heel and left.

Tony was an idiot, grade A. he didn't deserve his degrees, Dummy could have his Berkley doctorate for crafting purposes. He practically flew past his team, even avoided Widow with her steely glare of pain, not death, pain - inescapable eternal pain.

Yea he knew, he fucked up this was more important than Widows disapproval.

"Jarvis, open locker doghouse C"

He didn't really remember getting to his lab, barely brushed his fingers over his bots sensor pads he past them, and grabbed the small box out of the panel that appeared about of the seamless metal.

Just as fast, he was past the team their faces less angry and more confused this time, and then bouncing painfully down the stairs to Barton's floor. He paused and rubbed his hand under his sternum and took a breath, stairs were not comfortable for his reactor, especially when hurried, he wondered if this is what if felt like for large breasted women. He immediately felt guilty all over again for all the crass remarks he'd made over his life, perhaps R&D could look into micro fillimented fabrics that could be adapted for bras. He shoved the thought aside for the moment, there was a more immediate issue at hand.

"Jarvis, is Barton in the vents?"

"Mr. Barton is currently at his monitor."

"Can you ask him to open the door? Let him know I won't stay if..."

The door slid open.

Clint saw his stupid out of breath idiot team mate at the door. He was clearly hurting.

Dumbass.

Correction, dumbass with a shiny box. Good. Peace offerings from Tony were always worthwhile. The man was nothing if not good at apologizing for his complete lack of social graces. Peculiar that he lacked so much when he was so very good at schmoozing.

He didn't wait for Jarvis to announce Tony's presence but went to the door and grabbed the idiot genius by the arm was propelling him towards the couch before the bewildered ass-hat could realize he'd been admitted.

Tony found himself sitting and staring at Clint's open hand.

"You brought a present. If it's chocolate I'll be severely disappointed and won't come out of the vents until Natasha corners you in the gym. Then I'll savor them." The archer grinned evilly at the prospect.

Tony didn't bother talking. It was hard for him to remain quiet even while he could barely breathe but he knew he talked too fast and apparently he twisted his lips too much to be easy for Clint to read. Instead he dropped the box in the outstretched hand and was really glad it wasn't chocolate.

Clint eyed the box for a moment before he flicked the small catch and it slip open.

Tiny little purple lumps of plastic? metal? he poked one of the 6 lumps and it didn't move.

Tony could barely remain quiet he couldn't hold still at the same time. He was the kid who opens his gifts Christmas eve, and earlier if he could find them, he never ate birthday cake before gifts, waiting was not in his skill set. Watching Clint poke at the marvels of technology he'd been presented with irked so he plucks one of them out of the box and turned it to show Clint the tab on the bottom then mined putting it in his ear.

Clint's face lit up.

STARK hearing aids! If he wasn't angry at the dumb genius he'd kiss him.

This was good for him this was good for the hearing impaired people everywhere. As soon as Tony was satisfied with his invention he's send it for marketability it would be amazing.

And they were fucking purple.

He flicked one on and slid it in, snagged the second possessively from Stark and repeated the gesture. There was the horrid sensation of the world dropping out and turning back on, like a bad take-off in an airplane and then everything righted itself.

"... because honestly it's kind of the best tech available, only it isn't available so really we should be even and did you turn them on before you put them in? Because you're still pouting, if I have to fish them out neither of us are going to be happy and you'll definitely owe me more than my stolen cereal."

The sound was so good Clint almost forgot he was angry and nearly grabbed the man in a hug. He'll he might have kissed him after all. Sound never felt so right.

He had to wait for the little shit to stop blathering on but it wasn't so bad; after all he finally had his revenge material.

"Oh know, we're not even."

"Hey now I said..."

"Not when I could hear, " Clint cut him off, so he didn't have to be apologized to again, it made him more uncomfortable than he'd like to admit. "Now, it's movie night. Jarvis, is everyone upstairs?"

"The team is gathering at this moment."

"Excellent, please queue the third file, I'll watch the rest later."

"Third? Jarvis?" Tony's voice definitely didn't quiver.

"Alright upstairs. Vengeance is mine tin can"

The clip wasn't long but Tony was as red as his suit by the end and the team had a great laugh at his expense before they turned on the movie.

Natasha wouldn't let him slink away to his lab during the movie either while Bruce kept bringing him more orange juice which would start the laughter all over again. They didn't really see much of the movie too busy giggling and ribbing each other.

Even he was able to chuckle slightly through his embarasment by the end credits, though mostly because Thor had laughed so hard orange juice had come out his nose.

The team all drifted, exhausted from a long day of avenging.

Tony was finally able to make his break but was stopped by Clint calling his name. The archer looked at the man for a moment then cocked his head, "I forgive you utter stupidity."

Tony laughed; he still hasn't said he was sorry where Clint could hear.

"And Tony? Thanks for these." The archer moved his hand slightly, not really gesturing but still motioning to his ears.

"Any time bird brain."

"Ouch, insulting me again so soon … wonder how many videos that's worth to Natasha?"

Tony gaped as Clint left cackling.

In the end it was just another night in the tower. It's a good thing Tony has an entire wall for his doghouse.


End file.
